Friday, August 7, 2009

queer heart (and head) aches

I think that the questions you pose are really interesting. In fact I was thinking about this a few months ago when I was on my way back from a 'queer' conference. I remember thinking about these exact questions. I identify as queer, but it was not the same queer that everyone else at the conference was performing. Indeed, all together they presented as a very normative group -identified by their 'difference' from 'normal' other people by their 'uniform', opinions and behaviour, but also different from me, and not identifiable to me, as queer like me. I remember thinking, 'where do I belong?', and this made me think that whilst queer must have a home for me, it is one I may have to carve out for myself. And in this blog I will try to articulate those thoughts and struggles that I was having that day. I would say that I have not done normative intimacy either. but in a different way to that which you describe -for me, my rejection of 'romantic' and idealised notions of relationships is as much through practice of non normative sexualities and desires as it is about the outright rejection of monogamous intimacy. I would go into what this actually looks like on another post, once this gets going so as not to hog the sexual limelight! What I want to say, is that for me, my sexual identity and ways of being in a relationship, is deeply entwined with my politics. My politics are obviously (!) feminist and libertarian. It is not just in my relationships with friends, lovers and enemies that I live through these ideas, but everything I do in my work and non-work, and every decision I make. In the same way, as a queer, and not just and lgbt+ queer, but one who is thrilled by the perverting and upturning of normativity inside, outside, within, without, above, below, through, throughout and around the bedroom, I use these 'principles' (such the wrong word -maybe someone can help with a better one?) to guide and propel what I do and where my thoughts might take me. I will expand on this more another time, but I just want to finish by saying that for me, getting married was a radical thing to do and, in the context of my background, non normative thing to do. that may offend some people or seem absurd. which is not my intention. but isnt that what queeries are for?

1 comment:

  1. Hey faceache, feel free to hog the sexual limelight if you want!

    I'm interested in your point about the practice of non-normative sexualities Vs an outright rejection of monogamy. Just wondered if you could expand on this a little more? I'm trying to think how the two connect in my own head- and certainly the practice of probably came prior to the outright rejection of- but now i think i'd find it hard to seperate.

    Also was wondering if you could clarify what you mean by an outright rejection of monogamy?

    Tell me more about radical marraige!